Wednesday, February 15, 2017

When Babies Die and Life Goes On

A friend from work had a tragedy beyond words, where in recovery for weeks in a hospital he still was not told the fate of his children for fear of his inability to recover. Finally he was told his two child had died in the car crash. Here is his story a year later in an email to friends, along with my story back to him. Shed a tear and thank God for the preciousness of life. 

From: N.
Sent: [date omitted]
To: [A select few]
Subject: A new year... a new life... a new beginning

I believe every individual has that event in their life which result in a life altering sequence of changes where you see a consequent shift in the very fundamental characteristics that define you. An year ago, [date omitted] to be exact, while travelling to Hyderabad in my car I met with an accident that involved my wife and both my kids. The doctor said it was a miracle that I and my wife survived but we lost our kids. My daughter K. was five and my son I. was two. Experience, they say is the best teacher in life but in my case this turned out to be a very harsh lesson. After what seemed like an eternity, we slowly started accepting reality. Over the next few months we endured several things that we never thought we could but somehow managed to bring some order to this chaos, put this behind us and move on. Physical recovery also picked up pace and now we are able to manage things on our own.

Not sure if I should call it misfortune or just fate, but it did take our kids away from us, denied us the blissful delight of watching them laugh, cry, play, run around falling and getting up, get sick and be nursed back to health, it essentially snatched away the joys of parenthood from us. It took us time and effort to come out of this state of mind and a few months ago we started thinking of rebuilding our family all over again. Giving thought in this direction and after weighing several options we finally decided on adoption. Out of all this darkness and gloom that we had endured so far, this was our opportunity to show the same love and affection of a parent to a child who does not have it today. I will not deny that at this point of time we were both yearning to get another chance to have a kid, to protect as a father and to nurture as a mother. We went through the application process, interviews and finally all our efforts came to fruition last week. A baby girl ( 5 months old) was up for adoption and we were called for a visit. It was love at first sight. A week later we welcomed her into our home, our family and our lives.

Throughout this ordeal I discovered many things which I believe in our daily busy lives we either ignore or take for granted. The preciousness of life, moments you cherish with your loved ones, warmth of friendly company and I can go on... Among these, the rallying support from all of my family, friends and colleagues was the chief catalyst for our recovery and the guiding strength for us to move on and think of rebuilding our family. Right from the scores of folks who came all the way to Hyderabad and visited me in the hospital time and again, donated blood, took up my responsibilities at work and managed things through this year, the burden of getting our lives back on track was greatly reduced. The support and well wishes from my colleagues was a big help and showed me that this is truly my extended family.

We did lose our kids and with them a part of our lives as well but their memories are with us to remember and cherish forever. I wouldn’t want to think of this new bundle of joy as a ray of hope but rather a second chance that brings happiness back in our lives. For everyone who has done so much for me so far, for the love and care that has been bestowed on my family, words fall acutely short in my expression of appreciation and gratitude. I hope I will get an opportunity someday to do the same for you.

Please welcome our baby girl… K. junior... 


From: Mitch Sanders
Sent: [date omitted]
To: N.
Subject: A new year... a new life... a new beginning

Dear N.,

She is darling beyond expression. She will bring much joy to you and your wife I’m sure. God bless you Narendra and thank you for sharing such a powerful story. Good to see you coming out of the darkness that death casts you into.

Just so you know my story a bit also. We had a darling baby girl 8 months old. The last I saw her alive I laid her down in her crib and went out with a friend leaving her in care of wife and friends at house. I came back a couple of hours later to a home with my wife in the front yard screaming and our baby laying on the ground. I tried to give her mouth to mouth, but from the hollowness of her chest I could tell she was dead. Ambulance came and stuff like that, burial etc.

My daughter today
I only tell my story to honor yours. In some ways you never get over the loss of a child. Life does go on though. We had a daughter about 2 years later who has grown up to be a zany fun loving delight. The gap of the loss of my first daughter (Aysley Wynn was her name) will always remain, but the cycle of sorrow and joy is much of what makes life. My love and heart to you always. Thanks again for the bravery of writing such a letter and sending it out and to include me. I am honored. 

“Better is sorrow than laughter, For by the sadness of the face the heart becometh better.” 
-King Solomon, Ecclesiastes 7:3, circa 931 BC